Johnny Bravo's Strange Diversions - Chapter 8

The delivery trucks never used the old alley behind Bravo Gym anymore. Ever since the grocery store kiddy corner to his place was bought out by a health food chain, most trucks just used the main parking lot when dropping off their food, other times they'd just unpack everything and have an impromptu farmer's market. That was one benefit to living in southern California, the growing season never stopped, and people were still hip to organic food. It had only helped his own business, so Johnny never minded his neighbors, at least before last night when Top Cat moved his gang and operations into the quiet strip of narrow pavement out back.

"Taking in Magilla was charity, but you cats moving in makes me feel I'm running a zoo instead of a Gym." Kicking an empty cardboard box, Johnny frowned in frustration at the sight of the cats hard at work building what looked like an open-air office out of empty garbage cans and discarded pallets.

"If you've got a problem, you're more than free to take it up with Officer Huck." Said Top Cat, supervising his men at work. "He didn't have the facilities to take us in, but we needed to get out of town to save our skins because your relatives have it out for us remember?"

"And it's my problem to make it up to you?" Asked Johnny, walking over to swat the pink cat away from the top of the stone wall which separated the alley from the daycare on the other side.

"Cosmically speaking, you bet it is." Checking his claws, Top Cat picked up a cardboard box and began to slice free human shaped outlines. "If you're born on the street, you owe your dues to the street and you take your living where you find it. If your born to privilege, you either learn to master the discipline required to maintain your lifestyle or you wind up squandering it."

"I never took you for a philosopher, but I still don't see why this means I have to let you live in my alley." Said Johnny.

"One, philosophy comes with the territory, it's all part of the trades. Two, the way I see it Officer Huck is our probation officer, and you're like our caseworker to help keep us out of trouble. Three, we find ourselves drawn into your family drama, and the very same day we run into you and your stand. There are no coincidences Johnny." Top Cat threw down the shapes he had been working on, showing he had cut out silhouettes of Johnny and his stand.

"Yeah about that. What exactly is this?" Asked Johnny, flexing his right bicep he brought out the manifestation he had experienced the other day.

"Unfamiliar with stands, are we? Let me see if I remember how they were explained to me, it's been so long now." Adjusting his waistcoat, Top Cat took a step forward, but his shadow stayed in place, only for the shadow to rise upwards in the form of the chrome cat that Johnny had fought yesterday. "What I understand is that they are manifestations of a person's fighting spirit, and that they have powers some people could call supernatural, and that only other people who have stands can see them. Anything outside of that, I don't know what to say."

Looking at his own stand, Johnny overlooked it to try to gain some understanding. The stand stood motionless, only raising a single eyebrow at Johnny's examination.

"Hey Spook, do me a favor and claw Johnny's eyes out." Ordered Top Cat.

"You got it, boss." The brown cat adjusted his green tie before jumping at Johnny, claws drawn with full intention to follow Top Cat's order.

Barely able to make a corner turn, Johnny was not fast enough to respond, but his stand was. An open-palmed shove from the stand sent the cat flying across the alley, where its perfect landing sent a ring of dust flying across the ground.

"That'll be all Spook." Said Top Cat, walking over to Johnny, his cane slung over his shoulder. "Johnny, the only other things I know about stands are – they have weird names, and people who possess them are drawn together. So, all my highfaluting talk about destiny and coincidence isn't just me talking nonsense. I took a leap of faith to trust you, that you aren't on the same side as your family members that sent Huck after us. But this isn't my fight, it's yours."

With his stand fully exposed in front of him, Johnny saw the odd coloration in its appearance. The metallic appearance on the surface was colored shades of red and pink, with yellow highlights and hair. It was the hairstyle, sunglasses, and comb in hand which made it feel distinctly like Johnny himself. More than that was the certain confident posture it seemed to have, like a professional bodybuilder at rest. Even as it stood in front of him, Johnny had trouble believing it was there.

Turning his attention back to Top Cat, Johnny thought that all this talk about destiny and fate was nonsense. "I don't have anything to do with my extended family. This isn't my fight either." Johnny was adamant as he took a deep breath, relaxing as his stand disappeared.

"Well one way or another, we're planning on staying here until matters are resolved. Just in case either of us needs someone to watch the other's back." Tilting his hat, Top Cat went over to sit down in a chair one of his underlings must have stolen from the daycare next door.

"Yeah, whatever." Said Johnny, shaking his head before going inside to his office he looked back to ask one final question. "What was that you said about weird names?"

"Far as I know, they're all named after songs." Called Top Cat as Johnny went inside.

Magilla sat on the floor of the office, and what space he didn't take up was littered with banana peels. Nodding along with the music, the gorilla looked almost ridiculous with the too-tight fitting white gym shirt he was wearing and sweatbands around his wrists and ankles.

"Hey boss, welcome back. I'm just taking my break." Said Magilla, who was using the extra sports towels as a makeshift sitting nest.

"No problem." Said Johnny, doing his best to not take a pratfall on the carpet of banana peels.

"Those people at the food store sure are nice, gave me a discount price on all this fruit." Magilla pulled a receipt that was tucked into his shirt and handed it to Johnny.

"Yeah, it's fine to splurge every now and then." Said Johnny, concerned that all Magilla bought was fruit. "But we're going to have to put you on a more balanced diet. You're not getting any essential oils in your diet. I've never done health counseling for a gorilla before but let me read up on it and I'll get you in good shape. Were there any calls while I was outside?"

"No phone calls, but you did get a text message." Reaching over to the power outlet, Magilla grabbed Johnny's cell phone from the charger. "You know someone named 'babycakes'?"

Reaching to grab the phone, Johnny lost sense of where his feet were, slipped and fell to the ground hard. Strangely, instead of hitting the concrete floor, he felt a hand had cushioned where his head would have landed. There was a slight sting, but no pain at all. Carefully reaching to take the phone, Johnny looked down feeling half sick to his stomach in nervous anticipation.

'Calm down Johnny, Velma hasn't texted you in three and a half years. It could just be a butt dial or something.' Despite telling himself it was not going to be a big deal, Johnny couldn't stop his emotions switching from hope to sadness to embarrassment and excitement.

"You okay boss?" Asked Magilla.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a text from my… my ex." Said Johnny, rereading the message for the fourth time. He was unable to figure out which part shocked him more: that Velma was in town, that there was something about an ambulance, that the message was now two hours old, or that she ended with 'love Velma'. Getting his wits back, he knew he shouldn't overstep his bounds despite how his feelings had not changed.

It's good to hear from you. If you need anything, let me know. I'm here for you. – Johnny

Cringing the moment after sending the message, Johnny wondered if he went too far with that last bit.

"Do you know anything about talking to ex-girlfriends Magilla?" Asked Johnny.

"Afraid I don't know much about gorilla or human relationships." Said Magilla. "My longest girlfriend was Koko, I was bought by the San Francisco Zoo as a potential companion for her, but not five minutes went by and I accidentally sat on her cat and that was it for us. Other than that, I had a crush on Jane Goodall, secretly had a poster of her back at the pet shop, she's like the Farrah Fawcett of the ape world."

Blinking twice, Johnny stared at Magilla and regretting asking the ape.

"Say Johnny is this a picture of your class?" Asked Magilla, pulling a photo from the wall.

"Yeah, that's my under eighteen, mixed martial arts class. Though because there are so many red-heads in class, I just call them the Ginger Squad." Said Johnny.

"I swear I recognize this girl." Said Magilla.

"The one next to Suzy? That's Ogee, she just started high school and has a mean side kick. Great student. You know her?"

"Yeah, she was one of my former owners. Her parents wouldn't let her keep a Gorilla though."

"Well, you're bound to run into her if you stay around here. Hope you'll have a nice reunion with her."

"I don't know, I think it'd be awkward."

"Do you want to know the secret to life Magilla?" Asked Johnny, placing his arm on the gorilla's shoulder. "Don't overthink too much, the stress is bad for you, and for the most part things work out in the end."

"Maybe," Magilla said, seeming lost in thought.

Another buzz from Johnny's phone got his attention. It was a call from Mama.

"Yeah, Mama? What's up?"

"Johnny, I just got off the phone with Jebedissa's lawyer. He invited me to the will reading tomorrow."

"That's kind of out of the blue. You thinking about going?"

"I'm not sure yet, I really don't want to be around our relatives by myself though. Not after the weird vibes I got the other day."

"Do you want me to go with you for support?"

"Would you dear? I'm not sure if I really want to, but maybe it'd be a good opportunity for us to try and get rid of some of the stupid cold war hanging over our family."

"I'm here for you Mama. Anytime."

"Thanks, dear. Is your Gym having that evening Yoga class tonight?"

"Same time and place, as usual."

"I'll see you this evening then dear. Love you, sweetie."

"Love you too Mama. Bye now."

Hanging up, Johnny became aware that the door behind him was open, and that not only the cats but the gorilla were staring and snickering at him.

"What? I love my Mama and I don't care who knows. You cats got a problem with that?"

"Not at all." Said Benny, the small blue cat. "Mr. T.C. asked for you to meet him outside."

With a sigh, Johnny followed the cat outside to find that the cats' domicile had gone from being made of old cardboard and scrap wood to be a structure of glass and steel with two cats on the roof installing solar panels on the roof.

Letting out a whistle, Johnny said, "You cats work fast."

"You know how it is, the boys don't feel at home without that 'city sprawl' vibe." Said Top Cat, giving the rotating front door a smooth spin.

"Say Top Cat." Johnny started, his mind going back to the text he had gotten from Velma. "You've got connections on the streets right?"

"Sure do. I keep my gang close to me, but I have a piece of all the feline action in LA. Did you need something?" Top Cat had a devious glint in his eye.

"I think a friend of mine is in the hospital, but I'm not sure which one. Think you can do a little reconnaissance for me? She has a blue van that says Mystery Machine, and she travels with a dog and a few other friends of hers." Said Johnny, not wanting to give too many details to the cats.

"Want me to put out the word, see what I can track down? That's easy enough to do." Said Top Cat, spinning his cane in hand. "Come on boys, time to earn our rent."